U.S. Government Grinds to a Halt After President Bush Hires Drew Rosenhaus,
Demands New Contract
(AP- Wa****ngton DC) Much of the U.S. government came to a virtual
standstill
this week after President Bush hired s****ts super-agent Drew Rosenhaus,
and
said he would hold out until he receives a better contract.
"I'm the leader of the free world here, people. The most powerful man in
the
world, yet I make only $400,000 a year," said Bush. "That's pathetic.
Think
of all I've done and how im****tant I am for the country. It's time I'm
rewarded for that."
Rosenhaus, who has recently been hired by high-profile NFL receivers
Plaxico
Burress and Terrell Owens to get them large, multimillion dollar deals,
said
he hopes to do the same for the President.
"It would be one thing if President Bush was a one-termer, but he
willingly
stepped forward for the country and took what was offered for a second
term," said Rosenhaus. "But now it's time the country rewards him for the
loyalty he's shown and ups his salary. We're looking for something in the
ballpark of $30 or $40 million a year, which is really quite a bargain
when
you consider some athletes CEOs make that much money, whereas the
President
is running the entire country."
The President will not sign any bills, visit with foreign dignitaries,
hold
any meetings, or conduct any other of his official duties until he
receives
a new deal.
Bush also said that he only has the best interests of his family in mind.
"As president, just like an athlete, you only have a limited period of
time
to make some bank," said Bush. "Four years, eight years tops. Right now
I'm
not making any more than what a crappy middle reliever does, for crying
out
loud. I have to make sure my family has enough money to live on once I'm
out
of office."
Bush acknowledged he may have numerous income streams out-of-office, but
said it would be irresponsible of him to count on that.
"Sure, I might be able to make millions in speaking or consulting fees
once
I'm done being president, but that's not a given. I need to get paid now,"
he said. "The clock is ticking. If I don't get a new deal soon, we'll
probably be attacked again by terrorists. Plus, not giving me a raise, the
Commander-in-Chief, would mean you don't sup****t the troops. And you
sup****t
the troops, don't you?"
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