http://www.seriouss****tsnewsnetwork.com/2008/03/congress-to-investigate-s****ts-cliches.html
Congress to investigate s****ts clichés
WA****NGTON, DC - With sequels doing so well at the movie box office,
Congress has decided to put on another installment of its wildly
successful
series of investigations into professional s****ts. This time, the
Committee
for Government Oversight and Reform will be looking into the obnoxious and
overbearing tradition of clichés in s****ts.
"This investigation is long overdue. For years the use of clichés in
s****ts
has run rampant, and I think it's time Congress looked into it. We're
going
to bring our A-game to this investigation," said Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA),
the Chairman of the Committee. "We haven't decided exactly when the
hearings
will be. We're just going to take it one day at a time."
Waxman did reveal that a principal target of the investigation is Detroit
Pistons forward Rasheed Wallace. Wallace is well known in s****ts
journalism
circles for his rampant use of clichés.
"The sort of dismissive attitude Mr. Wallace constantly displays is
exactly
why we're having this investigation," Waxman said. "The fans have a right
to
know what is on an athlete's mind. Now, it's possible there isn't anything
on Rasheed's mind, but we have a right to know that, too."
In addition to the rights of fans, Waxman also cited the contributions the
sideline re****ting industry makes to the US economy - "It's going to take
a
total team effort to get us back on track. The sideline re****ting industry
employs dozens of people who are doing their jobs as best they can. If we
don't save this industry, what else will Jimmy Roberts do?"
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell took a tone of resignation when told of
another Congressional inquiry involving his league.
"It is what it is," Goodell told re****ters. "Both sides are still feeling
each other out."
MLB Commissioner Bud Selig took a different view, welcoming further
inquiries. "Look, I got rid of steroids; I might as well get rid of
clichés
too. Now that Congress has drawn first blood, we'll just keep working
towards our goals."
Sources close to the investigation have told SSNN they expect the process
to
go down to the wire, with hearings to commence when Congress reconvenes in
the fall.
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